Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
