I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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