If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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