Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
