I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
