Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my liver is dry heaving
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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