There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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