It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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