Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
