Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
