ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
