There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
