I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
