i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
