since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
