Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Vodka?
Forever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
