Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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