Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
