cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
