It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
