we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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