...so i touched it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
