I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
