if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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