he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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