you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
