Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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