Acid is not a monday night drug
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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