can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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