Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
