My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
