i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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