He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
