I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
