Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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