I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
