i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
