Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
