Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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