Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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