She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
