I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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