So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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