I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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