That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
