she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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