Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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