There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
