I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
