I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
