Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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